I’d love to stay in all day, it’s rainy and I’m tired, don’t want to put comb to hair or shoes to feet. But I suppose I need to go out and buy candy. I have no idea if children will come by tonight or tomorrow, or at all. When I was living in Seattle, I had a regular crew of trick-or-treaters from the neighborhood, but here in Tacoma, all the homes are lifted above the street and reached by a flight of stairs. Makes me wonder if it hampers the kids from going door-to-door. On the other hand, the mailman doesn’t descend to the street on his rounds, he just walks across our yards, house to house. We’ll see. If they don’t come, I can take the candy to work.
I had strange dreams last night, including one in which I was able to watch, on a monitor, a live scene of a locked closet in which a man was starving to death; as I watched, each day the body became more ravaged. I’m sure there is something to ponder here, but I don’t know what it is.
I have 23 library books at my bedside, plus a dozen or more books I own. I’ve dipped into all of them, but keep moving from one to another. I’m not sure why I’m so greedy or what I think I will do with all of them. I have this idea that, by reading many books simultaneously, I can be the medium through which they speak to each other. Or maybe I need Adderall.
I did come across, among the pile, this poem by CP Cavafy, The God Abandons Antony, that Leonard Cohen based his song, Alexandra Leaving (in Ten New Songs) on. This felt miraculous! I thought of Cohen also having dozens of books of poetry on his bedside, reading everything he can get his hands on. I also thought of a poem I wrote, on leaving the barn door open, an attempt to communicate how I feel about Cohen, my confused feelings about loss, what’s important to me.
I started writing and posting a daily poem last April, during National Poetry Month, and then continued on my risapoemaday site in June. I’ve posted poems every day or so since then, so that now I’m nearing my 100th post. Daily writing definitely has its own momentum. I don’t want to stop, but I am thinking of taking a break, so I can spend some time revising the work I’ve written.
As I’m writing this, I’ve been listening in the background to a radio program, where David Eagleman, who wrote Sum: 40 Tales of the Afterlives, is being interviewed. (The book is fantastic.) He just mentioned a website called Death Switch , which is an automated “information insurance” system that communicates with its subscribers online by asking for regular check-ins, and if the subscriber fails to respond within a pre-set amount of time, the program assumes she is dead, and begins to send out pre-set messages to survivors. I just signed up! I’ll let you know if you are on my “death” list.
I feel so scattered, it always seems that there is so much to do, I’m trying to do it all at once. I don’t know why.