9/04/11: cure for a slight heaviness

I have a heaviness today that is hard to shake. Not sure why. It’s a bright sunny day here in Tacoma, I’ve completed the small writing job I was putting off as long as possible.

It was a write-up about an experimental surgical trial using dogs. The surgery is done to implant a device that is now being used in humans for hard-to-control hypertension (which I have), and I’ve written up several study reports for this team in the past. But as I was writing this one, I kept thinking: They still really do this? They still really do this. There is so much that we know, but have to go on as if we didn’t really know.

But I don’t think that’s what is weighing on me. I’ve been writing poems every day, and plan to continue as best I can when work shows up. I actually have two days of paid training this week, and I’m going to a writing retreat over next weekend. I’m still low-carbing it, and even if I haven’t lost any weight yet, I know it’s a good change, if I’m going to avoid diabetes, and I went to a barbecue yesterday with old pals from Planned Parenthood, and kept to the diet plan, which was quite an accomplishment, what with watermelon, chips, corn-on-the-cob and s’mores.

I think I’m straining to write something that isn’t ready, and it’s nagging at me. That incubation time, which I worry I won’t ever have enough of. I want the writing I do to make a difference, be some sort of legacy to leave behind. I’m afraid I started too late to finish. You can see where this is going.

It’s a small heaviness. If I would stop playing online scrabble and get my body outdoors, I’d probably be just dandy.

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2 Responses to 9/04/11: cure for a slight heaviness

  1. mark says:

    Dear Risa please keep writing and sharing what you must, your words make each day that more precious. Glad you’re getting into your body, it’s inspiring me as well to shake off the 12 pints of ice cream (enter new fridge) consumed over the summer. Still you remind me to never stop moving, walking, dancing.

  2. theresa says:

    The heaviness we feel, the heaviness we eat, and even the heaviness we play scrabble in and get out doors to walk in is one and the same; each and every bit to be embraced as a gift, an opportunity to receive. Easy for me to say today, when my head is not face down in the mud. Tomorrow i will need you to remind me that life is a gift and even my “hard to control hypertension” is a blessing…and that i am grateful.

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