8/31/11: last day

of August. I woke at 5:45 and it was still dark outside, dawn hiding beneath a thick cloud cover. I too hunkered under a thick cover of down, chilly. Forewarnings are all about, summer is blinking off, leaving without a kiss. No rain, just fog and clouds. Everyone on this block has improved their front yards this summer; as a renter, I made do with my small garden bed and tried to water during the short dry spell we had. I just moved here in March, and know that I probably should move again to a cheaper place, but I’ve settled in, all of my pictures on the walls, and I’m holding out. Certainly not now, what with winter coming.

Fortunately it appears I will have enough work to get by and not so much that it sickens me. I am returning as a per diem with Planned Parenthood, as soon as next week maybe, and I will start a once-weekly clinic day in a few weeks doing pain management. Not exactly end-of-life care. But everything is palliative to me, be it pain or contraception or anything else that positions me briefly in contact with another person seeking some succor and reassurance that all of this, too, is a part of living and dying.

What I worry about prodigiously is my writing. Will I be able to blog and post a poem every day when I’m working? Probably not. That saddens me. These last few months have been the most productive time since 1998 for in terms of writing. I can’t work and write as much or as well as I want to.

But I intend to try. Nothing now is more important to me. I don’t have a lot of time left, and a lot to say.

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6 Responses to 8/31/11: last day

  1. Work is good. Writing is good. However you work it out will be good!

    • So chipper. So early in the morning. Oh, no! It’s not so early any more. Thanks for the vote of confidence. Although I’ve never before wanted this, I’ve always loved my work, what I want now is for someone to sponsor my life, so I can spend all my time writing. Pipe dreaming again.

  2. redmitten says:

    what i did wrong (at first) was i didn’t get all my pictures on the walls. and when i started reading your writing, i realized i needed to do that (go ahead, get my pictures up on the walls). we are where we are. embrace it.

    that said, have you been following franz wright’s fb notes? he is writing with an urgency, which your statement “i don’t have a lot of time left and i have a lot to say.” reminds me of.

    i once thought of naming my blog “sherry wants to talk” because of this same drum beat i hear in your post. you have something to say, something to work out, something to share. and we need to hear you. trust entirely in your voice.

    • Thanks, Sherry. As always. Do put up the pictures, they are essential reminders of who you are. I don’t follow Franz Wright and can’t find his page on FB, just his author page which doesn’t have anything on it. But I’ll consider it a search-worthy activity to find him. More important than working on this piece of medical writing I’m supposed to be doing today.

  3. redmitten says:

    the urgency in his voice compels me to….what? . . .

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